census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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