Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
