My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Randomize
