You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
