i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
