I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Drake has all the answers
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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