just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
