It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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