I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
