so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
