dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
