I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
