The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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