i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
