but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
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He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
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PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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