you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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