so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
