I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
