i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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