there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
