Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I am mentally ready for anal.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
