the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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