I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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