guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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