he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
