Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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