I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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