grandma shit on top of the toilet
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
