Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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