my vag is so smooth its legendary
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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