he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
