Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize