Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
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If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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