I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
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