Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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