Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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