I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
