help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
