It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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