you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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