she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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