Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
So vagazzling was a success
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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