I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize