when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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