im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
