So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
