I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
