Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
