its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
A bitchslap is in order.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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