we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
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Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
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