Can Purell be used as lube?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
