OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
