Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
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