So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Randomize
