There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
