Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
