I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
