I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
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CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
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You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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