I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
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I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
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His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
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