the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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