I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize