Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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