cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
