guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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