So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
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I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
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Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
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