it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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